just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
