Little spoons don't ask big questions
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
