Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
