This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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