the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
