I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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