So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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