yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
