"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
