If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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