Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
