This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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