Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
