i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
