We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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