You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
