i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
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Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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