Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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