im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think I am morally bankrupt
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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