I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
did you just send me my own nude
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
