I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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