I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Dear god my vagina.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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