On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
