Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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