Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
