I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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