just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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