Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
