I love black thongs
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
