dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
