just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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