woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
