does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
