I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
