I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
