ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
