Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
