They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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