When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
