i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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