DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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