I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
