quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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