I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
