At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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