If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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