I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
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so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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