Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
