i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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