Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
