i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
