...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
