I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
