Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I am naked and annoyed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
