I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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