I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
