I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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