i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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