chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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