help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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