I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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