he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
