please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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