So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
