Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
