If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
