I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
