You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
