My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
