You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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