It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
