I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Your cock deserves a montage
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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