so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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