Betty ford says i'm here all night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
