2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
