She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
