batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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